Gone But Not Forgotten

When I was a child, my mother told me that her maternal grandfather had been killed by lightning, along with a young daughter, Essie. The story, especially the girl, intrigued me. As an adult, I uncovered the details through Henry O’Brien’s 1909 obituary. I had misunderstood; 12-year-old Essie did not die with her father; she’d been struck down 17 years earlier. I wrote about this coincidence, Lightning Strikes Twice, for Family Tree (Dec 2002). 

        Essie was buried near Garner, Iowa, where the family lived at the time. Henry was buried in St. Patrick’s Cemetery near Britt, Iowa, where he had farmed. His wife, Bridget McLaughlin O’Brien, died in 1913 and was buried beside him. A year later, Alice Hahn joined her parents there. A small metal plate stuck into the ground marked each grave. On Henry’s and Bridget’s markers, their birth years were incorrect.

        More than a hundred years later, the O’Brien’s great-great-grandchild, Dawn Foley Huisenga, visited the cemetery and found the markers cast aside. She returned them to their proper place. Then, at a family reunion, she began a collection to purchase a permanent headstone bearing all three names.

        Bridget O’Brien’s obituary stated, “Mrs. O'Brien suffered intensely for five months with cancer. Her faithful companion at all times was her rosary and her crucifix. She made a request of one of her daughters to have a white lily and a crucifix in her hand when she was buried."

        For the headstone design, Dawn requested a rosary wrapped around a crucifix, and a lily.     

        On Memorial Day weekend, 2011, three generations of the Foley clan

traveled to Britt to dedicate the headstone. The sky loomed overcast and it rained in the morning—a reminder of the afternoon when, seven miles away, a farmer in the harvest field “was hurled from this earth to eternity.” But as the group of 15 gathered at the gravesite, sunshine broke through. Dawn read Henry’s and Bridget’s obituaries, and Mary Foley Palmer offered a prayer and spoke of how God works through families. “The commandments remind us to honor our mother and father, and we are honoring our great-great-grandparents with our ceremony today.” The relatives then held hands and recited The Lord’s Prayer.

        The patriarch, Roger Foley, said, “It’s great that our kids would think about something like this. The history was new to me and it was great to find out about all of this. It was a touching story about the rosary, crucifix and lily, and I was happy to see it on the headstone.”

        Roger’s daughter, Cynthia Ramirez, added, “It was a wonderful day. I wondered what Bridget and Henry would think—a hundred years later—their great, great-great, and great-great-great grandchildren dedicating a headstone for them. It was a proud feeling. I believe they were looking down and smiling on us. ”

        Great-great-granddaughter Karen Teeselink commented, “I was telling my daughter their story and my granddaughter was fascinated that these were also her relatives. She wants to do her own family tree, and I'll be happy to help her on her journey.”

        An old adage claims that people are less afraid of dying than they are of being forgotten. Thanks to devoted genealogists in every generation, many of us have not—and will not—be forgotten.